Three posts in three days?! What fresh madness awaits.
I was interviewed for Losing the Plot podcast and had a jolly old time, I think we got on very well. We chatted about writing, writing tips, Kurosawa, The Greasy Strangler and owning up to the embarrassing stuff. Enjoy!
Good day my little cocktail cheeses. I made a tiny video which is hopefully full of good advice on how to reach your goals when aiming for your daily word count. Enjoy, and feel free to visit my youtube for story readings (mine and other people’s), tips and general oddity.
P.S. yep my hair is gone. I have entered the Jazz age!
Hello my little slightly burnt quorn sausages which turn out OK once the surface has been scraped a bit. I trust you are well?
I made a little video of tips and advice that I’ve gathered from other sources as well as what works for me, so any writers out there will hopefully find this useful.
P.S. the T Shirt is by Betty Rocksteady, whose novella was published by Eraserhead Press the same time as mine.
Hello! The other day my blog was nominated for a Liebster award. I may not have known what it was but I was very pleased as it made me sound intellectual, thus I purchased a pipe, a smoking jacket and crisps.
In actual fact it’s awarded to blogs with less than 3,000 subscribers. I must answer eleven questions given to me by Angela D’Onofrio and nominate 5-11 other bloggers, giving them 11 questions to answer which are at the bottom of this post (and they must then do the same). Here goes!
There we have it! My nominees to answer the questions below are:
And my questions for you are:
Dry your eyes and stash the kleenex at the back of the cupboard, I have returned! I didn’t bring you any presents, no. Is that all our friendship is to you? Well, I did kind of bring presents, this amazingly beautiful and helpful blog post. Next time I shall share with you the morbid delights of the anatomy museum but, for now, Florence’s (mostly) light side.
As our walking tour guide said, Florence is like a living history museum with buildings from the medieval period, the Renaissance and much more. This is true, but to me it also feels like the scene in a fantasy novel or film where the hero is taken through an alleyway in a city and emerges in a fantastical market. All pictures taken by Bill Purnell.
Aqua Flor is a perfumery operating the same way since the Renaissance. Not only is the inside beautiful but the back opens onto a large room with statues, paintings and columns. Plus there’s a poison cabinet, what more could you ask? 
The Uffizi Gallery is in the Piazza Della Signoria surrounded by public statues. The inside is a mix of statues and paintings and, when you’re in Florence, always look at the ceilings – you don’t want to miss the frescoes which are almost everywhere. Make sure you reserve a specific time slot, it’s a very popular place and you won’t want to spend hours queuing.
The Boboli Gardens is another place worth a visit. Again you can reserve which means you don’t have to queue. Unlike us, who reserved AND queued. Oh dear! 
For any book lovers who can’t speak Italian, ie. me, there’s the Paperback Exchange. As well as a big range of new books including comics and graphic novels, students bring books back after lessons, so head for a room at the back and you’ll get them for around 5 euros. Hooray!
In the Piazza Della Repubblica is one of the prettiest carousels I’ve ever seen. Of course I went on it a few times and no, I didn’t care that I was the only grown up.
Our hotel, the Bernini Palace (beautiful, recommended definitely), was in Piazza di San Firenze and every morning I would step out in front of the building where Leonardo De Vinci began the Mona Lisa. 
Art is everywhere, from street art like Clet Abraham’s hacked road signs to statues or painting on almost every corner. 
Warnings: Along with the joy, however, are a few important things to remember. The street sellers by the Cathedral are not licensed to sell. As they’re desperate people from war torn countries it’s tolerated but if you’re caught buying from them you’ll be fined. It’s often knock-off goods and if you want a nice leather wallet it’s best to get it from a shop.
Also, Gelatarias (gelato ice cream shops) with high mountains of the stuff aren’t as good as those with tubs. Basically, if you see very tall mounds of gelato, avoid it and go for something with flatter piles.
Bene! We are almost at an end, but before you whisk yourself off into the night have a peek at a very short video of beautiful things I saw on my travels. In it are the Piazza Della Signoria, Aqua Flor, Santa Maria Novella Pharmacia (another stunning perfumery, this time started by Monks) and the carousel among others. Farewell!
At the moment I and everyone else is surrounded by heart stopping stories of bizarrely ranting authors, such as the cases of ‘The Author Who Trolled Himself For Four Goddamn Months‘ Stephen J Harper and ‘I Am Not Your Bitch You Are Mine‘ Chelsea Cain. I say heart stopping rather than funny (although in Stephen J Harper’s case I guess you kind of have to see the funny side) because one of the things that literally terrifies me is making people angry, online or in real life. And it’s happened too! Just an ill-timed joke or comment somewhere and…
Well, OK, maybe not all of us would be so relentless or unpleasant as those writers online recently, but everyone has a bad day and loses focus at some point. I suppose the thing to ‘bear’ (oh dear) in mind is: if in doubt, apologise and move on without going into massive explanations or excuses. Oh, and IGNORE BAD REVIEWS.
I’m always sticking my foot in it but I think it pays just to try to be as polite as possible ALL the time, which incidentally makes you feel quite pleasant and squishy too. If you’re experiencing a day when that’s impossible, STOP! Step back from the keyboard/touchpad/quill made from virgin’s hair. If someone says something mean, write it in your personal diary. Your paper personal diary.
Anyway, here are one or two links on the subject that may be helpful:
How To Create Your Very Own Personal PR Nightmare
10 Social Media Guidelines For Authors
On my travels today I stumbled upon (OK, someone uploaded to twitter) this helpful and amusing post on book outlining.
Go here, read, come on, what are you waiting for? Oh, you’re still here. Yes, that’s it, that door there. Phew, I know, now they’re gone we can say whatever we want about – oh hi! You’re still here. Er, no, we weren’t talking about anything…
Anyone thinking of publishing online (and who isn’t these days) might find this post by Alex Shvartsman useful. Hop to it before the computers get you.
It’s the New Year! OK it’s been the new year for a little while but I heard lots of birds today and it made me think of spring, therefore it only really became new year properly for me today. You know what I mean. And a new year means a new look. Sometimes. Well, the magazines keep telling me this and they wouldn’t lie, would they?
Anyway… after you’ve read the article I posted a while ago on looking and feeling vintage, here are various tutorials you may find useful. From everyone’s favourite make up muse Edie Sedgwick to modern gothic, from 20s flapper to hippie/metal/whatever dreadlocks, punk to steampunk and blacklight parties it’s all right here. Hooray!
First, because I used to have dreadlocks and I still love them, is a how to:
If real dreads are too much of a frightening commitment, here’s how to do them in wool:
Next up some gothicness. Here is MissChievous’ make-up tutorial:
The ‘Tim Burton’ look from Michelle Phan:
Antimony and Lace is a site dedicated to tutorials on do it yourself goth clothes, and Goth.net is a community site for sharing clothes tips and the like.
Quite a sweet tutorial for rock types on making shredded leggings. My favourite part was the cat:
Here’s a wiki how on making your own punk clothes.
Who wouldn’t want to dye their hair rainbow?!:
The ‘Queen of Blending’ shows us how to perfect the drag queen/faerie/bizarre look:
‘Pixiwoo’ provides tips on getting the look of the lady who inspired many alternative fashion fanatics, Edie Sedgwick:
And here’s a little blog post on her general look. Check the bottom for links to articles about her.
‘The Cherry Dollface’ shows us a 50s hairstyle, picked from her many vintage tutorials:
Steampunk stuff is expensive and complicated, right? Not necessarily:
Get the flapper look:
And her make up:
Finally here is the mookychick guide to setting up a blacklight room.
Well, there we have it, quite a number of top tips for the average alternative type. May you have a jolly old time with it this year. Good byee!
Charlie Brooker and co-writer Daniel Maier discuss writing spoof detective series A Touch of Cloth, follow this link.
Here he discusses his inspiration.
Madeleine Swann 