Bizarro Erotica: Taken Hard At The Magical Time Travel Sex Resort

My tiny (10,000 word) surreal, bizarro, weird and any other adjective erotica novelette was released today with New Kink. Sometimes I get the urge to write rude things and, being me, they end up just as odd as the usual stuff.

P.S. My artistic partner in crime and cuddles Bill Purnell did the front cover, he’s a very clever pickle.

Here’s the Amazon link.

New Kink proudly presents…

takenhardnewkinkmadeleineswann

Before you get too excited, let’s give this video a shot. The beloved Sauda Namir reads an excerpt for us in a series called Bizarro Bedtime.

Bizarro Bedtime: S3 E4: Madeleine Swann from Sauda Namir on Vimeo.

With a gorgeous cover from artist Bill Purnell, and a lot of kink packed in a small package, let’s see what she’s about.

“Lillia Gardens is the largest erotic resort in several dimensions. It’s home to colourful flora, weird creatures and time travelling visitors, all ready and willing to get filthy – like Wonderland or Oz but smuttier.

Each story follows a woman from a different era who recieves a mysterious card inviting them to the Gardens, including Sam, a modern Western woman in a failing relationship; Aysun, a member of a Sultan’s harem and Itzel, a Mayan princess. Overseen by their mysterious guide Rex, a rainbow half-man half-bird, they experience all the strange and wonderful things the resort has to offer from vagina seats in the park to a sensory depriving tube.

But it can’t be sunshine and orgasms for everybody, and the Garden needs payment…”

An oddball’s tea party

I’m obsessed with tea parties, probably because I don’t really drink anymore. But, Melting wicked witchof course, no boring parties for me. Here’s a few unusual things you could bring to proceedings:

First off I love psychedelia, not sure why I just always have. Why not get some mugs to match, or for an extra boost of weirdness how about one of these Day of the Dead sugar skull mugs? I’ve got mine!

Or if you prefer drinking vessels that are even spookier, how about these surprisingly sinister mugs?

And let’s not forget there will be those that don’t like tea (weirdos). Here’s a quick how to on serving blacklight lemonade.

Of course no mad hatter’s psychedelic party would be complete without rainbow cupcakes, get the recipe here.

If something a little more disturbing is your thing, and let’s face it why wouldn’t it be, try these. First up is a savoury centre piece treat, Zombie Head Cheese. Triple_Rainbow_Cupcakes_by_dashedandshattered

Next is a recipe for melting witch cookies. Rather timely with the release of this new Wizard of Oz movie.

And lastly my favourite recipes from Halloween Culture. First is the oreo spider web cookies, and to decorate all those cakes here’s a how to for edible glass sculptures.

Super happy fun times!

Me, a sugar skull mug and a skull onesie. You wish you were me
Me, a sugar skull mug and a skull onesie. You wish you were me

5 disturbing children’s films

There are plenty of boundary nudging children’s films which may not be included here, but the ones added have had a particular impact on my life. Mostly they opened my eyes to an exciting new way of storytelling that didn’t include sappy bears sitting on clouds, but very occasionally they went a little too far (in my mind anyway).

Please add your own films and experiences in the comments.

1. The King and the Mockingbird (Le Roi et l’oiseau)

For years this French animation lay dormant in my mind. All I could remember were talking statues, a lonely robot and a vague sense of unease. I somehow found it again a few years later and enjoyed it much more than I did back then.

A cross-eyed tyrant king is taken on Revolution style by an angry bird and a chimney sweep. A giant robot assists leading to mass destruction.

It’s very French and very beautiful, just please make sure you don’t find the cut version or you might beat me up.

2. Return to Oz

While not especially disturbing overall, specific scenes stand out as exciting my tiny child’s mind and probably stored for later creative use. Examples include Dorothy being taken to an institute pioneering electro-shock therapy, the apparent destruction of Oz in her absence and the heads kept behind glass cases by Oz witch Mombi:

P.S. Dorothy was played by Fairuza Balk, the goth girl from The Craft.

3. The Plague Dogs

The follow up from the company which gave us Watership Down. Despite its PG rating this is not a children’s film in any way, shape or form.

I used to love Watership Down and oddly had no issue with watching fluffy bunnies being torn apart by each other and a dog. I did, however, have a problem with watching two dogs escape from a testing lab, almost starve to death and eventually drown.

4. The Adventures of Mark Twain

In this claymation film three stowaway children travel with Mark Twain in a weird, air-balloon type ship. They encounter animated versions of Twain’s stories which are mostly harmless fluff, but the most notable in my memory is The Mysterious Stranger segment.

Bear in mind I used to watch this again and again. For some reason the pointlessness of man and the destruction it warrants didn’t seem to concern me:

5. Coraline

Included just because I love it, this stop-motion film is from a novella by Neil Gaiman. It has circus mice, a scary lady who wants to sew buttons into Coraline’s eyes and a disturbing burlesque performance from two elderly ladies. What’s not to love?