I have returned!
I’ll just give a little personal update before looking up weird arty things to share. The first video is a vlog of my two weeks spent at home with Bill in Southend, Essex. The second is a reading (not live) of my occult science fiction horror short story.
If you ever wanted to learn how to make a Sidecar cocktail…ask Bill, not me. I’m also still reading my favourite stories each week here.
Hello my little sandwich bags!
Just a quick pop in to say my weird, sort of but not at all science fiction story is up on Flash Fiction Magazine.
Have a read, thanks!
Merry holidays one and all! I’m going to take two weeks off after today but, never fear, I shall leave you with the wonderful words of some of my favourite writers.
Lately I’ve been doing a series of story readings called The Onesie Tales in which I read whilst wearing full length pajamas and no make up. There’s no massive reasoning behind this other than my pajamas are very comfortable and I’m quite lazy. I’ll be continuing this in the New Year so if you’d like to join me subscribe to my youtube channel to be notified of the next one.
In the meantime here are readings of surrealists Leonora Carrington, Haruki Murakami, Algonquin Round Table wit Dorothy Parker and Gothic weird lady Daphne du Maurier. Enjoy!
P.S. The ending of the first video is very embarrassing. I didn’t realise I was still recording and I talk in a silly voice to my boyfriend Bill and look for my glasses like a drunk aunt at Christmas.
Hello my little slightly burnt quorn sausages which turn out OK once the surface has been scraped a bit. I trust you are well?
I made a little video of tips and advice that I’ve gathered from other sources as well as what works for me, so any writers out there will hopefully find this useful.
P.S. the T Shirt is by Betty Rocksteady, whose novella was published by Eraserhead Press the same time as mine.
Hello my little packets of single use HP Sauce! Welcome to another round of stuff I’ve read.
I love true crime books, the weirder the better. An honorary mention goes to Amelia Dyer and the Baby Farm Murders by Angela Buckley. Although the murder of infants is abhorrent it’s not quite odd enough to make the list. Fascinating book though and meticulously researched. 
Starvation Heights by Gregg Olsen. The Victorian era was obsessed with fad diets and peculiar cures, and none were odder or more sinister than Starvation Heights.
Claire and Dora Williamson were two misguided upper class sisters, believing a trip to Linda Burfield Hazzard’s isolated ‘health farm’ in the Pacific Northwest will do them the world of good. It didn’t and that’s an understatement. We follow them from hopeful, rather naive beginnings to madness, starvation and desperation, as they blindly follow Linda’s prescribed diet of a few peas and sips of broth while signing away all their worldly goods.
Written in a novelesque manner (is that a word? It is now), I occasionally wished Gregg would hold back his tendency for poetry and just state the facts. However it’s absorbing, bizarre and deeply sinister, and you can’t help being fearful for the two women.
The Law’s Strangest Cases by Peter Seddon. I love this book so much. OK, the 
author’s sense of humour is occasionally annoying, but only very occasionally – most of the time it works or he keeps it to himself.
The cases are mind boggling (I never thought I’d use that term, yet here we are) stretching from the beginning of law to the late nineties, including the shipmates of cabin boy Richard Parker who was feasted on while adrift at sea. Bizarrely it doesn’t mention the novel of Edgar Allen Poe, The Narrative of Arthur Gordon Pym of Nantucket: a cabin boy named Richard Parker was eaten by his shipmates while adrift at sea – and it was written forty-five years previously. Life of Pi author Yann Martel was no doubt aware of this fact when he named his Bengal tiger Richard Parker.
Other fascinating moments include the gruesome origin of the phrase ‘Sweet Fanny Adams,’ a parrot whose screeches proved a mitigating factor and a man whose solution to annoying visiting relatives was to SET THE HOUSE ON FIRE.
If I Did It by OJ Simpson. OK, I want to make a couple of things clear: I didn’t pay for this book, I downloaded it. I’m sure that will infuriate some people but I didn’t want to give out any money for it, I would have felt dirty. I also couldn’t finish it – if you could throw a kindle book across the room I would have done.
He’s really not a very nice man. The entire thing is a litany of excuses and misdirection – I’m a great guy, I was married to a crazy person, I never called her fat when she had a baby she was the one making my life hell about it, I was understandably angry when she made friends I didn’t approve of and she was embarrassed after calling the cops on me because she realised it was over nothing, on and on and on.
Part of the reason I wanted to read it was morbid curiosity – I was in an abusive relationship for a few months and in order to stop me pressing charges he turned the whole thing on me, something OJ seems very adept at. In fact, even writing about this makes me feel a bit sick, so I think we should stop it there. Don’t buy this book.
The Girl In Alfred Hitchcock’s Shower by Robert Graysmith. Who was the girl we
saw nude in the shower scene? It wasn’t Janet Leigh. What happened to her afterwards? It turns out she was murdered by a man in 1988 bearing an uncanny resemblance to Norman Bates…or was she?
You’d be right to be confused. The answers lie in this book which I mostly found fascinating, and yet I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I skipped sections. Most people’s complaints with this book, by the author of Zodiac, was that it took so long to get to the actual murder. However I love films and read it more as a biography of a fascinating lady who not only secretly starred in Hitchcock’s movie but posed for art, became a playboy bunny and danced as a showgirl. Despite this there are still moments when it takes too long to get to a point, maybe lingers on a particular scene too long. I did like it though and I do recommend it.
The Burglar Caught by a Skeleton and Other Singular Tales From the Victorian Press by Jeremy Clay. This is a fun read. The stories are short and odd, a bit like me. Admittedly not all are crime, but as they’re all from the papers a large amount are.
Example headlines: Wife Driven Mad by Husband Tickling Feet, Liberals Eat Dog, Killed by a Drunken Bear and Bound In His Own Skin.
Come on now, you know you want to read that.
Farewell my little houseplants of an unidentified variety, see you next week!
It’s almost Halloween! OK it’s still technically summer but by golly if you squint really hard and pinch your nose against the delicate scent of flower blossoms it could be autumn.
With this in mind I went on a hunt for the spookiest, scariest, creepiest online horror stories. Some are more inventive than scary but please be aware there is a chance you may scream very loudly, causing any housemates, friends or partners to come running.
This Weird Fiction tale is the reason I delved into the world of interactive stories. It’s cleverly done, subtle and very creepy.
Wear your headphones to get the best from the sound effects. You have to click the words in bold to get to the next part, and there is one section where you’ll need a little patience. You’ll know the bit. And keep going if you’re not sure, it will be abundantly clear when you’ve reached the end. Good luck!
The story is entertaining though not terrifying, but what makes it even better is the number above. Call the number after finishing the story and you’ll see what I mean (please check for potential charges though, I have poor impulse control and am now waiting to see if I get an abnormal bill).
This intriguing tale begins with a series of emails you have to click through. At the end, if you click on the Updates page, you’ll find more ‘information’ and links to other sites corroborating the story. It’s very clever and the story itself is fascinating.
Similar to Annie96 Is Typing (another good ‘un) this story appears as a chat history needing the click of your button to show the next piece. Not only that but a link to a wikipedia page correlating with the story appears which is a nice touch.
Annie96 may be slightly creepier but this one is still good. I think the thing that tips it for me is the friendship between the two girls.
If you haven’t seen this one yet you’re in for a treat. Keep scrolling down and make sure you’ve been to the toilet beforehand, that’s all I can say.
If you like scary webcomics try The Split Lip or the Midnight Tea Party anthology serieseseses. Well, what’s the plural of series? Series’? Serieses? I’m tired.
My Dead Girlfriend Keeps Messaging Me On Facebook
Though not interactive, this creepypasta makes good use of facebook chat and pictures. Plus it genuinely gave me the creeping willies so there was no way I wasn’t going to share it.
ALSO…
There’s a few fun interactive spooky stories on youtube including The House, A Knock At The Door and Stillshore Cottage. Enter if you dare, mwa ha ha!!! Um, that’s about it, until next time…no, really, that’s it, I’m going to make tea now, you’ll have to get off the porch. Bye!
I’m sure we all know of the ancient, time-honoured tradition of creepypasta, scary internet stories passed from post to post and now youtube channel to youtube channel. Some of them are downright horrifying, tapping into a dark part of the imagination perhaps more sophisticated stories no longer reach. Some are getting pretty darn sophisticated themselves, with the website Creepypasta now looking more like a horror story site with author’s names attached. Some, however, aren’t, and youtuber Rob Dyke has a new channel reading the worst. By the way check out his other channel, Seriously Strange, it’s very good.
When you send a story into creepypasta.com you can tick a box which sends your story to crappypasta.com if it falls short in some way. Some just need polishing, some need major overhauls and some are just…well, you’ll see.
Disclaimer: I’m sure more than a few of these are written by kids. However, it’s still funny because God knows I’ve written some stinkers in my time and that’s just as a grown up. The tick was checked by the writer to send it to crappypasta so that’s where they went, and we all learn from our mistakes. May they continue writing and improving and, who knows, one of them might become a famous author.
Evil Come (no, not that kind)
Glass Eyed Monster
The Unknown Hunter
Doll To Hell… (his cat features heavily in this one, which makes it worthwhile)
You Will Not Escape
The Real Origin of Jeff the Killer
The True Origin of Eyeless Jack
Jeff the Killer Has A Wife?! (This one reeks of hormones bless her cottons)
Good day my little falafel fillings! How is life treating you? No outbreaks of hysterical dancing I hope?
On Tuesday I went to London with Bill’s camera and was excited to see this shop for monsters. You might wonder how it makes any money? Well, there are either a surprising amount of monsters on Hoxton Street or it’s a cover for a children and young adult’s writing group. We’ll say it’s both.
The children are mentored to bring out their creativity and there was actually a group meeting in the next room while I took pictures of the front (see below), and all the while music from the 20s and early 30s played on an old style radio. I was in my own personal heaven!
Here’s a little video explaining it in further detail, then have a peek at their ghoulish and grizzly offerings. Here’s the address if you’d like to see it for yourself:
159 Hoxton St
London
N1 6PJ
Well good morning my little spam lunches, I’ve got a new flash fiction over on Bizarro Central called Brain Painter. It’s about…well, you’ll have to see. Enjoy!
Why not send yours? Follow the link to find out how.
Well well well, I managed to write with a crayon for four whole hours for Hands For Syria. I raised over 100 pounds which may not sound much but I’m so happy I managed to get more than a penny.
Below you’ll find the stories I wrote non-stop until my brain dribbled from my ears, and the video of Sunday night’s scribble fest. Don’t expect beautiful poetry, I did the first thing that came into my head.
Be warned – I thought I had The League of Gentlemen on very quietly in the background but it’s…really not quiet at all.
Incidentally there’s still time to give, here’s the fundraising page. Thanks so much to everyone who already did. Now I have to go rest my neck.
Madeleine Swann 