Pointless flash fiction

Apparently some people don’t like short stories because they aren’t novels. I like both, for different reasons. Since I read a collection of short stories years ago called Love of Fat Men by Helen Dunmore (its a lot more intellectual than it sounds, I promise) I’ve loved the idea of a short story being just a snapshot into someone’s life. I still like stories where you go deeper and there’s a full narrative etc, but I always prefer stories which leave you with a “hmm?” kind of feeling.

This is by no means a collection of intelligent, thought provoking miniture stories. These are stupid.

A beetle - 2001

A beetle lived next door to a woodlouse. The woodlouse was playing his music very loudly at 2am and the beetle got very annoyed. He knocked on the door and asked the woodlouse to turn it down. He did, and all was well.

A magic pixie skipped through the forest to Tesco’s where he did his weekly shop. When he got back he realised he had forgotten the milk. He had to go back and was a bit annoyed.

A hare challenged a tortoise to a race. The hare won and the natural order of things remained intact.

A woodlouse lived next door to a beetle. He knocked on the beetle’s door and asked if he could borrow some sugar, which he did and all was well.

A ghost appeared to a family who had just moved in. “Oh no,” they said, “Do you wish us to leave?” “Nah,” it said, “Stick kettle on.”

Genre submissions and a community blog for YA writers

I was whiling away the day finding publications to send my comedy/fantasy short story to when I came across this. It seems like a great idea and is described thus far:

‘Word Crushes is a place where young adult authors, editors, and publishers of all ages can promote their short fiction, discover a new market, or simply find a good read.

Leave me a comment if you have market news, a publication you’d like to promote, or just about anything to do with teen short fiction.

I’m Erin Fanning, a writer and researcher but most of all a reader. For more on me, visit erinfanning.com .’

I found it while looking up a company called Sam’s Dot Publishing,  who specialise in publications for sci fi, horror and fantasy. Each magazine does a different thing and for different ages so you need to read it all carefully, and their submission recommendations are very specific. If anyone has been caught drink driving by the police they may already have experienced something similar with the rigorous sobriety test.

Looks good though, but as I am going through an anti-story phase (ever since I read short story compilation ‘Love of Fat Men‘ by Helen Dunmore I’ve been obsessed with stories that are a snapshot of characters and events rather than a long haul of story, except I often do it humerously and probably not as well) I’m not sure if I’ll get in.The link is above though, for anyone who wants to try.

The Big Book of Bizarro  is on sale on Amazon! Much cheaper, which is obviously better. It contains my short story ‘The Gathering.’ I only get published in things with the word ‘bizarre’ in the title, what does this mean?

I found the place to submit the story to on a website specialising in erotica publications, the Erotica Readers and Writers Association. Not only does it have submission calls but it offers advice too! Surely you are being spoilt.

Stewart Lee

I have my writing heroes including Neil Gaiman, Helen Dunmore and Sarah Waters. However the side of me that writes and performs for Braintree Ways is fascinated by comedy and those who enact it including Andy Kaufman, Eddie Izzard, the South Park pair, Peter Cook and Monty Python.

One person I saw at Edinburgh who intrigues me at the moment is Stewart Lee. I used to watch Lee and Herring as a child but his current stand up on programmes such as The Comedy Vehicle is fascinating (and funny).

In the first clip he breaks the fourth wall by mentioning a grandad and then declaring him not to be real, along with explaining the nuts and bolts of stand up to the audience and in a fake interview. This made me feel firstly as if I was watching something almost Brechtian and, secondly, intellectually pretentious enough to use Brechtian as a description.

The second clip is one of his repetative tangents which reminds me of my student poetry era. I’d go to various venues around Bath where the smoke would turn your eyes red and various people took turns in reading out their scribblings to live music. Stewart Lee’s rantings make me think of 50s/60s era beat and performance poets. See for yourself.