From Ferris Bueller To The Shining To Willy Wonka, 5 Weird And Crazy Movie Fan Theories Online

You kids and your crazy ideas! If you’re not making bathtub gin you’re expounding theory after theory on whether Marsellus Wallace’s soul is in the Pulp Fiction briefcase, or Aladdin is really a futuristic apocalyptic wasteland, or War of the Worlds is really the sequel to ET which was about an alien scouting planets to invade.

So, without further ado, here are my favourites from the dark hinterland of the web.

1. Absolutely anything in Room 237. The people in this documentary of theories surrounding The Shining could certainly be described as…dysfunctional.

The ideas range from Stanley Kubrick deliberately placing messages in clouds to imagery incorporating the Minotaur’s Maze, with Jack Torrence as the angry bull in it’s centre (the second is possible, or have I just been reading too many theories?). However the biggest and most complicated are probably the ‘Native American genocide‘ theory (follow links if you don’t mind spoilers) and the ‘moon landing theory.’

2. ‘Up’ is Carl’s journey through the afterlife. OK, I don’t mind admitting I wept harder than a banker in a recession during the first ten minutes of Up, there’s no shame in that. However an extra poignancy could be added by suggesting the old man, Carl, died and everything from then on became a complicated metaphor for his ascendance to Heaven.

This theory speculates that the young lad accompanying him is an angel trying to earn his wings (final merit badge). He also represents Carl and his wife’s inability to have children (!). Muntz represents Hell, my favourite sentence in the theory being: “Muntz is Evil, of course, resplendent upon a story of lies at first and commanding the Hounds of Hell.”

One of the main sticking points for viewers of the film/movie is the size and amount of balloons needed to tear the house from it’s foundations. However I like the magic realism and I’m perfectly happy to just say: It’s about an old man with a bunch of balloons floating through the air.

3. Ferris Bueller exists only in Cameron’s head. In some sort of bizarre Fight Club twist Ferris and his girlfriend Sloane represent Cameron’s need to cast off self doubt and grow up a bit. In scenes where the three of them interact he is really alone.

Apparently supporting the idea is “There are “save Ferris” messages all over the city. This represents how Cameron wishes someone would care about him and also helps the idea that the film is merely a fantasy.”

4. The Fresh Prince Is Dead. Though not technically a movie, this one’s here because it made me laugh out loud. Here’s the entire post: 

5. The secret ingredient in Wonka Bars is children. Everyone goes nuts for the creepy and psychopathic Willy Wonka’s chocolate bars, but what’s in them that makes them so addictive? According to one theory (and, apparently, Roald Dahl in the actual book, which renders this not so much a theory as a disturbing fact), it’s the naughty children.

Not sure? The theorist has it all worked out (and plenty more): “Wonka has some Oompa Loompas take (Violet) to the Juicing Room to get back to normal. Turning into a fruit is a pretty big effect and doesn’t seem like some kind of mistake and showing it off to a bunch of careless, candy-loving kids is not a smart idea.

“When Wonka captured children, originally, in order to make a child even more useful, he fed them these dinner gums so they can become different fruits and taken to the juicing room to get an endless supply of “natural” flavors. The Television Room’s original use may be obvious: turning kids bite-sized in order to harness all of their flavors for a candy. The shrunken kids could of also been used for manufacturing tiny aspects of small candies, like molding them.”

Scary Story Made Into Film For Halloween

Hello! Here’s a little video I made for Halloween, just a story I wrote with some local footage I filmed. Enjoy!

Random Acts: send your three minute short films

If you make films you might want to have a look at the Random Acts section of the Channel 4 website (UK).

There’s a big variety of stuff from the pretty to the silly to the unsettling, here are a few I quite liked:

A ‘Dandy punk’ travels through fantastical worlds in The Alchemy of Light.

Warning: The Ting contains violence, inner city slang and daft humour.

A trippy nostalgic video dedicated to Margaret Thatcher, Maggie’s Last Party.

 

A Lovecraft Dream – short animation movie plus The Raven read by James Earl Jones

Here’s a pretty little short based on Lovecraft’s The Call of Cthulhu, made just for you by ‘Michele Botticelli’ (any relation to Venus I wonder):

And as an added bonus here’s James Earl Jones reading Edgar Allen Poe’s The Raven:

The oddest Asian films I’ve seen so far, plus baby shaped pears

Fancy seeing you here. No, I’m not following you, we just know the same people. Well maybe you’re following me, did you think of that?

OK so I’m going to assume you’ve seen the films of Takashi Miike, Chan-Wook Park, Tetsuo, Battle Royale and all those ‘girl with hair on face’ films.

Warning: Some of these trailers might have disturbing things in them. Others are just silly. Now let’s have a look.

1. Matango: Attack of the Mushroom People.This is a colourful and slightly campy 60s offering from Japan (and looks very much like the inside of my brain), though its not without its moments of tension. A group of holiday makers crash a ship on an island and find themselves without much food, but never fear: those mushrooms look tasty! Unfortunately they have some side effects.

2. Horrors of Malformed Men. There’s a mad scientist on an island! He’s made genetic freaks! He’s…doing Butoh on a rock?…He’s… telling a convoluted back story to someone about things I don’t quite understand…

3. The Forbidden Door. Indonesian outing which, even with a disappointing ending, was entertaining enough for me. An artist who makes sculptures of slightly too realistic pregnant women stumbles on a secret door in the house he shares with his girlfriend. Not only that but a friend introduces him to a very exclusive and very disturbing club. It’s not Fight Club.

4. Hansel and Gretel. Included because it’s so pretty (never fear, it’s more than a little odd), this is a Korean film about a man who gets lost in the woods. He stumbles on a beautiful house filled with a loving family, but the parents look worried…

5. House. 70s Japanese film about a group of friends who go on holiday (people just need to stop going on holiday) to a house in the country. A house of some seriously weird sh*t!

6. Dumplings. What’s in the dumplings that keeps everyone looking so young and beautiful? Let’s not ask…

OK that’s all I have time for but I’ll be keeping my eyes open for more weirdness. In the meantime have a look at this news story about pears in China that have been “shaped during its initial stages of growth using special molds” to resemble babies. Yum.

Freaky short film wrap party

A while ago I wrote a little article for Bizarre magazine to help raise funds for a short film called Annabelle’s Tea Party. Performing in it are Bizarre favourites Missy Macabre, Samppa Von Cyborg and sideshow performer Baawo Bee.

Well, by golly they raised those funds and now they’re having a wrap party in London (have a look at their facebook page for more info). There’ll be performances from the likes of Veronica Valentine and others.

Here’s a clip of Missy Macabre in action:

*Warning* perhaps not for children

A lovely list of psychedelic movies

In order to celebrate the brilliant Mad Men’s entry into 1967, I decided to share with you some of my favourite psychedelic/hip/groovy movies.

Some good, some great, others just bizarre, feast your eyes on this list of eye-wateringly colourful (except for the black and white one) offerings. If there’s any I’ve forgotten, please add in the comments:

1. The Trip. Directed by Roger Corman, written by Jack Nicholson (I know?), Peter Fonda takes acid, is victimized by a man with a chair, drinks with a dwarf, watches painted boobs jiggle around and visits some seriously psychedelic houses. Dennis Hopper wins award for the amount of times he fits the word ‘man’ into one single speech:

2. More. Rather more downbeat, I like the European feel of this one; the director and main actor are German. He meets a lady in England and they go to Spain. She’s a hippie but she pulls him into heroin addiction. She also wears great clothes.

3. The Strawberry Statement. Rather sweet and funny film about a student slowly getting involved with the protests. Harold of Harold and Maude (Bud Cort) also makes an appearance.

4. Psych Out. Very silly romp through late sixties San Fransisco as Jack Nicholson (again?) helps a square deaf chick look for her brother and plays in a terrible band. Groovy:

5. Joe. Dark look at one man’s bitter take on the free love and drug scene. The screenplay was by Norman Wexler, the man reputed to be the insane Mr X in Bob Zmuda‘s biography on close friend Andy Kaufman.

6. Smoke and flesh. Nothing happens in this film. I really mean it. I think one of the main reasons I like it though is my endless nosiness for what people might get up to behind closed doors.

Basically, a bunch of groovy swingers have a party, wait for the weed to arrive, get stoned, talk about stuff and then complain about the bikers who arrive later. One of them spikes a biker with acid, which I think is a bit mean.

7. Performance. Part film part art installation, gangster James Fox goes on the run and finds himself staying with Mick Jagger and his two hippie girlfriends. Sex, drugs and identity crises ensue:

8. Magic Trip. One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest author Ken Kesey went on a road trip in 1964 with The Merry Band of Pranksters, Neal Cassedy (inspiration for Dean Moriarty in On the Road) and a few attractive ladies, and this documentary was born.

Whether you like them and agree with them or not is irrelevant, this is a slice of life and history which also includes Kerouac, Ginsberg, Timothy Leary and the World’s Fair.

So there we are, my list is currently at an end though I’m sure there are more to be added. I shall leave you with a song, swinger-tastic nineties offering Mr Excitement by Tipsy:

Creative project funding website

This might be of interest. Kickstarter is a new website for ‘following and funding creative projects.’ Ooh! Now you have an excuse to paint your privates green and wander through town. I’ve been thinking a lot about that lately; at what point does performance art just become a pervy weirdo, and visa versa?

Disclaimer: None of the projects so far involves exposed privates and green paint. Yet.

Alt models, weird designers and factory girls: Freaky fashion

Lithium Picnic (photographer)

Audrey Kitching on Jared Gold’s runway

Apnea (model)

I watched a rather peculiar documentary today called Party Monster, The Shockumentary. It’s quite a deliberately bad taste film about the Club Kids in late 80s New York – young people who dressed outlandishly and included fashion designer James St. James– and their party organiser Michael Alig who ended up murdering someone and putting the chopped up body in a trunk. Obviously it got me thinking about fashion. And murder I suppose but that’s no change.

I love art from Francis Bacon to Lempicka to photographers of the unusual like Diane Arbus, but I also love fashion. The outfits at the Bizarre Magazine Ball for example are truly bizarre and great, so here I shall include some of the things that make me weep with joy and perhaps you will find something of interest.

Most people complain that catwalks are full of designs people would never wear in the street, but to be honest that’s the thing I enjoy seeing, mainstream or underground. Regular fashion bores me but anything a bit fantastical, gothic, odd or grunge I love.

First off I have to include my favourite online shop, Joe Brown’s, as its something people will actually be able to afford. There’s some regular stuff but look around, you’ll be very pleasantly surprised.

Gothic Lolitas in Tokyo

The fashion pics of artist Man Ray are beautiful – as shown here on author Matthew Revert’s blog. They’re very imaginative of course.

Newish designer Jared Gold’s gothic and historical clothes are great, they have a similar Alice in Wonderland feel to Bill Gibb.

Tokyo is known for its ‘avant garde’ fashion and I’d love to go there. I particularly like the punk and Gothic Lolita styles.

Keeping in the fantastical realm I definitely recommend looking out for alternative models/designers out there such as Ophelia Overdose and Audrey Kitching. Also have a look at Bizarre magazine’s alternative model website Ultra Vixens for more ladies of the odd and artistic variety, or become one of them if you like. Plus Spitalfields market in London is host to the annual Alternative Fashion Week (presented by Alternative Arts), 16-21st April. Exciting! Colourful! Imaginative!

The model known as Scar

I have a book I love containing alt glamour/pin up pictures (piercings, tattoos etc) taken by Octavio Winkytiki and Lithium Picnic  (my favourite). They’re pretty and unusual, but be warned, some of the content on their sites is not for children’s eyes.

My good friend Emma Bailey is a photographer in Brighton and has done a number of burlesque shoots. Burlesque is fun, the women often have normal sized bodies and I love vintage glamour. Fancy Chance is very funny to watch live and Banbury Cross is lovely too.

I like how bananas high fashion can be, including the designs of Alexander Mcqueen and the photos of Tim Walker. Feast your face!

I’m not hugely a fan of Andy Warhol but I love some of the Factory types like the Velvet Underground, and there was something very interesting about his model Edie Sedgwick.

Lithium Picnic (photographer)

She had a fascinating life, one well worth reading more about.

Allison Harvard

I’m also drawn to the pictures of a model known as Scar, they’re creative and apparently she makes headresses too, which is nice. Another artistic model is Allison Harvard, who reminds me of a Tim Burton character, and gothic model Apnea is jolly too.

Warhol’s model Edie Sedgwick

Finally, I know it’s such a cliche that a person who likes Neil Gaiman and alternative models such as the Suicide Girls would also like the outfits in Tim Burton films but I do, so there. I’m not a goth but Alice in Wonderland and the White Queen had me searching for my dark lipstick, as did Lilly Cole in Terry Gilliam’s Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus.

Here’s a video of a creepy mechanical doll themed photo shoot by Tim Walker for Vogue Italia 2011

Here’s a video of a Jared Gold fashion show in 2008:

Below is a short ‘documentary’ of Edie Sedgwick:

A Halloween Adventure

One weekend I decided to find out what it would be like to be strangled with my own intestines. I set off on my merry way at the end of October (almost Halloween, perfect) 2006 to Kent, where said strangulation was to take place. I caught the train in the afternoon to my dad’s place, as it was quite close by to my destination. I would stay at his whilst the proceedings took place.

At the time I belonged to several actor’s websites which informed me of projects. I had recently been given a part in a low budget feature length in which I would play one of several prostitutes, however I couldn’t help applying to one short film being shot on the same weekend. Blood? Gore? Horror? I would find a way to shoot both of them! It was a rushed production being made for a Halloween film competition, so I wasn’t expecting miracles. I had spoken with director/actor/producer/writer/cameraman Johan Krugar on the phone and the enthusiasm of the South African had rubbed off on me.

It was a cold, wet afternoon. I made a stop to see dad before heading on to my destination. We had a ritual which we have now broken, but whenever we’d see each other the first thing we’d always do was go for a pint. So, that’s what we did.

We ducked into a dark little local out of the rain and talked about the usual things; Futurama, films, comedy, what comic I was reading (yes, we are a pair of geeks). One pint turned into two, then three, and before I knew it I was finishing my fourth. And I had to go. I ran to the train station and hopped on the train to Bromley thinking: “God, it doesn’t get much more glamorous than this”. By the time I arrived at the station to be picked up by Johan, I realised I should probably not have turned up on my first day reeking of beer.

There was his red car and there was Johan; a stocky, cheery, soft spoken, slightly ginger man. In the back seat was his crew: a woman of about thirty, same as Johan himself, with short dark hair, and a bleached blonde, camp young man in his twenties. All were South African and very friendly. We arrived at their flat where the filming was to take place. I have noticed from going to lots of different towns for auditions that each town basically has the same layout; the same shops are in the same order, and each road turning feels familiar. Bromley was no exception.

My character began talking to a stranger on the internet. He causes increasing concern until he knocks at the door, murders her boyfriend and makes a beeline for her innards. As always a scene took far longer to shoot than expected and we were tired, eventually deciding to put off the rest of the filming until the next night.

The evening after I arrived at the station, wearing several jumpers after a day spent virtually nude in the freezing rain playing a prostitute.

With a serious film crew, the pressure would be incredible. Lots of cameras and eyes focused on you, willing you to get it right. Luckily, this was for fun, and the only blunt comments I had to listen to were Johan’s, and they were so hilarious I really didn’t mind. Example: “Maddie, you’re not a zombie. Why are you walking like one?”

The evening went well. By the time we arrived at the scene where I hesitantly stalk down the stairs armed only with a fork I was really having fun. The next night was Gore Night, however, and that would be the most enjoyable.

We had been joined again by the two others in the crew; the camp man playing the role of my boyfriend Johnny and the lighting girl.

We filmed my character nervously investigating the knocking from downstairs, armed with afore-mentioned fork. It’s her boyfriend. At that point his eyes glaze over, he cries out in pain and a hand reaches through his stomach from behind him. That’s what was meant to happen at least, but that one scene alone gave us enough footage to make an outtakes DVD, including the moment when he and the killer fell through the door on top of each other.

Eventually it was time for my death. I couldn’t wait. The fake blood was frothing and intestines wrapped inside a prosthetic stomach was placed over my own belly. My torso was covered in red goo. While the killer lurched threateningly towards me, Johan told me to stick the fork into the top of his mask.

Undeterred, he thrust his hand into my belly and I watched the long, bobbly purple innards inch their way out. They were wrapped around my neck tightly and I hammily performed my demise. I used to perform death scenes when I was a small child to the eager but probably concerned audience of my parents.

By the time we finished, I was literally covered in blood. My hair was sticky; it was all over my body and face. I had a shower, feeling very pleased with what we had done. Everyone thanked each other excitedly and, in a way, it was sad that the experience was over. However, we promised we’d work together again.

On the journey back to Braintree I mulled over my experiences. As I stared out of the train window, watching scenery disappear in the dark grey sky, I pondered on our obsession with watching people being gutted in various nasty ways. It’s an obsession that’s led people to assume that snuff films actually exist, even though there is no evidence to suggest that they do.

It’s something primal in each of us; whether we watch horror because we love the sensation of fear or because we find intestines hilarious, we need to see people in life-threatening situations on a regular basis. This need for fear or blood has spawned an entire genre of subgenres with the viewer relating either to the terrified protagonist or the thing that’s after them. My personal favourites are the subtle, spooky stories and I was glad I’d contributed to the horror genre in my own small way. It’s had its share of problems but it will always be one of my favourite things.