Oh my God…it’s too hot…forgive me for not being my usual witty, raconteur self (what do you mean? Yes I am) but it’s just too hot to think.

You’d be forgiven for thinking the silent film era consisted entirely of Hollywood flappers and prat-falling comedians, but you’re WRONG! Not that I don’t love those films too, but there’s more you may not have seen.

Raja Harishchandra (1913)

This is officially India’s first feature length film. The footage starts with a bit of info about director Dadasaheb Phalke (D.G. Phalke) including scenes of him directing, before launching into the legend of a king, a wise man, and loads of sacrifices.

Within Our Gates (1920)

Oscar Micheaux is considered to be the first African American feature film director. Within Our Gates is a massively important film because it looks at life for the black American in times of lynching and other atrocities, leading you to question how far we have really come, making it the perfect antithesis to D W Griffith’s Birth of a Nation.

A Page of Madness (1926)

This film is beautiful insanity, quite literally. A man goes looking for his wife in an asylum, and…you know, I’m not too sure as there are no intertitles, but it’s really worth watching.

It was made by an artist collective called The Shinkankakuha (or School of New Perceptions). No one else knew of it’s existence until it was found in a warehouse in 1971.

The Goddess (1934)

Wait, you say, 1934?! The Chinese film industry transitioned to sound a lot later than other countries, thus actress Ruan Lingyu, known in Western parts as ‘The Chinese Garbo,’ remained silent for much of her career. Sadly she committed suicide at only 24.

Written and directed by Wu Yonggang, this tale of a prostitute trying to raise her son was his directorial debut.

Barsoum Looks For A Job (1923)

This Egyptian comic short is the epitome of independent film making, as director Mohamed Bayoumi did pretty much everything but star in it. Aside from being a simple story of friends competing for jobs amidst comic misunderstandings, it’s interesting for having a Christian actor play a Muslim and Muslim actor playing a Christian. I think he was making a point there about tolerance.

Fancy seeing you here. No, I’m not following you, we just know the same people. Well maybe you’re following me, did you think of that?

OK so I’m going to assume you’ve seen the films of Takashi Miike, Chan-Wook Park, Tetsuo, Battle Royale and all those ‘girl with hair on face’ films.

Warning: Some of these trailers might have disturbing things in them. Others are just silly. Now let’s have a look.

1. Matango: Attack of the Mushroom People.This is a colourful and slightly campy 60s offering from Japan (and looks very much like the inside of my brain), though its not without its moments of tension. A group of holiday makers crash a ship on an island and find themselves without much food, but never fear: those mushrooms look tasty! Unfortunately they have some side effects.

2. Horrors of Malformed Men. There’s a mad scientist on an island! He’s made genetic freaks! He’s…doing Butoh on a rock?…He’s… telling a convoluted back story to someone about things I don’t quite understand…

3. The Forbidden Door. Indonesian outing which, even with a disappointing ending, was entertaining enough for me. An artist who makes sculptures of slightly too realistic pregnant women stumbles on a secret door in the house he shares with his girlfriend. Not only that but a friend introduces him to a very exclusive and very disturbing club. It’s not Fight Club.

4. Hansel and Gretel. Included because it’s so pretty (never fear, it’s more than a little odd), this is a Korean film about a man who gets lost in the woods. He stumbles on a beautiful house filled with a loving family, but the parents look worried…

5. House. 70s Japanese film about a group of friends who go on holiday (people just need to stop going on holiday) to a house in the country. A house of some seriously weird sh*t!

6. Dumplings. What’s in the dumplings that keeps everyone looking so young and beautiful? Let’s not ask…

OK that’s all I have time for but I’ll be keeping my eyes open for more weirdness. In the meantime have a look at this news story about pears in China that have been “shaped during its initial stages of growth using special molds” to resemble babies. Yum.