Hello! May all your jolly moments come at once in an overwhelming rush.
I was interviewed by horror podcast Deadman’s Tome about my new story with the magazine, and other things as well. It was live which meant I had to crawl out of bed at twenty to four in the morning my time. At first I was quite chatty, but a muesli crash ensued. Enjoy!
You may buy (pre-ordering today, it’s available to read first of September) the anthology containing my disturbing, weird science fiction short story about octopuses (apparently octopi is erroneous, who knew) that appear in the corner of everyone’s living rooms. The story probably doesn’t go where you think it will.
Get the kindle version of First Contact, edited by Deadman’s Tome, and possibly get a T Shirt. Or something. I don’t know, I advise going to the source and asking. The physical book is on it’s way.
Hello my little lonely partnerless socks found on the floor which I pair with another partnerless one! I have a new short story in the absurdist/bizarro anthology Tall Tales With Short Cocks 5 (Rooster Republic Press) and hopefully you will find it very funny. Here’s what the publisher has to say about it:
“In the fifth installment of Rooster Republic’s flagship anthology series, we have some really tremendous fiction. It’s great. You can’t beat fiction like this. A lot of kids come up to me and they tell me how great they think this fiction is. I believe them. Believe me, it’s a great collection with some fantastic authors giving us their best work. I believe me.
Why don’t you? You too good for all this fun, freaky, and far-out fiction? Maybe go read a book about bird watching, you voyeuristic pervert. This anthology is for connoisseurs who are sick of watching birds. They want to look at words—not at our fine feathered friends. Though, if I’m being honest, I’ve never met a bird I would call my friend. Sure, those doves helped me move. BUT I GAVE THEM BIRDSEED. Real friends don’t demand food from you. They just help you move, wish you luck, and then leave forever until you need them again. The stories in this anthology will be great friends. You can read them, put them back on the shelf, and pull them out whenever you feel like it. Or if you don’t feel like it, they aren’t going to call you up and be all like, “Hey, wanna get something to eat at that new taco cart I saw on the corner of Johnson and Johnson?” That would be the end of American fiction, I can tell you. Not that all the authors in this collection are Americans. Some are UKish, and some, I assume, are also good people. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Chickens Are Birds. Rooster Republic 2016!!!!!”
So there we are, clearly you need this in your life, and here it is!
1. The Book of Surrealist Games by Various. These activities thought up by the surrealist artists and writers of the 20th century were surprisingly fun. There’s quite a few to choose from and some of them were a bit complicated for our tiny, moss covered brains. One we did settle on had me checking the internet for the meaning of ‘verbs, nouns, adjectives’ etc, sorry English teacher. I shall return my GCSE. However much joy was had and we plan on spending another evening playing again soon.
2. Strange Sex by Various. This is honestly one of the grossest books I’ve ever read, except perhaps the Marquis De Sade or The Encyclopedia of Everything Nasty (which I haven’t read, it just sounds gross).
There seemed to me three levels of grim: gross grossness (definitely not my cup of tea), imaginative grossness (sometimes my cup of tea) and less gross more weird (definitely my cup of tea, especially one involving a furries, erm, party). However this is obviously the desired effect and if this appeals to you, by all means purchase it and be prepared!
3. How to Eat Fried Furries by Nicole Cushing.I liked this joyously silly and occasionally wrong ‘Flying Circus,’ which apparently is a “loosely connected series of bizarro skits.” It’s a collection of short stories all linking together in the vein of Monty Python, perhaps if they were allowed to go as dark as they really wanted to. How can you not love that?
If the idea of Holiday icons as Mafia Dons, pseudo Amish or deformed super ferrets tickles your chin, put your face in her pages.
That’s it! No really, I have to go make tea now and do some real work. Bye!
Today’s book pictures (me posing and pretending to read) are brought to you by The Glass House Tea Shop in Braintree, Essex. They gave my friend and I a small slice of free cake, which was wonderful by the way.
Phew it’s all happening in this one! Let’s begin.
1. Cannibals of Candyland by Carlton Mellick III. A good, fun read which doesn’t take too long as it’s quite short. A race of cannibals exists in a magic land under the city. The main character searches them out in revenge for leading his siblings away years ago with a hypnotic sweet scent, but things don’t go according to plan.
2. The Weird: A Compendium of Strange and Dark Stories edited by Ann and Jeff Vandermeer. I’ve mentioned this book once before but I love it so much I’m mentioning it again. It has almost everyone you can think of: Neil Gaiman, Haruki Murakami, the short story of Don’t Look Now by Daphne Du Maurier, George R.R. Martin (wrote some books about thrones and games, I dunno), Franz Kafka, Clive Barker, Robert Aickman, Leonora Carrington (Max Ernst’s extra marital partner and a surreal painter and writer) and Saki, to name a few. Everyone should read more Saki, he was a genius. Basically, buy this book now or I’ll creep into your room at night and sniff your ear.
3. Bust Down the Door and Eat All the Chickens edited by ? I could be incorrect but I believe there were ten of these short story issues gathered before they stopped. Perhaps they’ve moved to a new home (though they’ve left no explanation) or perhaps they vanished into a puff of kittens, either way have a look at the archive editions for a dose of true insanity.
Here’s what wikipedia says: Apocalypse Culture is a collection of articles, interviews, and documents that explore the various marginal aspects of culture. It explores aesthetic nihilism, destructive cults, extreme violence, sexual deviancy, conspiracy theory, extreme forms of nationalism, and other subjects. First published in 1987, it was reprinted in 1990 and 2001. In 2000 the sequel Apocalypse Culture II was released. The book has been widely campaigned against and has been banned in many countries.
What’s not to like?! Get buying!
Very well, thus concludes another session of Bizarre Book Club. May you not run weeping into the night. Or perhaps may you, depending on preferences. I’m not here to judge. Toodle pip!