Bizarro Erotica: Taken Hard At The Magical Time Travel Sex Resort

My tiny (10,000 word) surreal, bizarro, weird and any other adjective erotica novelette was released today with New Kink. Sometimes I get the urge to write rude things and, being me, they end up just as odd as the usual stuff.

P.S. My artistic partner in crime and cuddles Bill Purnell did the front cover, he’s a very clever pickle.

Here’s the Amazon link.

New Kink proudly presents…

Before you get too excited, let’s give this video a shot. The beloved Sauda Namir reads an excerpt for us in a series called Bizarro Bedtime.

Bizarro Bedtime: S3 E4: Madeleine Swann from Sauda Namir on Vimeo.

With a gorgeous cover from artist Bill Purnell, and a lot of kink packed in a small package, let’s see what she’s about.

“Lillia Gardens is the largest erotic resort in several dimensions. It’s home to colourful flora, weird creatures and time travelling visitors, all ready and willing to get filthy – like Wonderland or Oz but smuttier.

Each story follows a woman from a different era who recieves a mysterious card inviting them to the Gardens, including Sam, a modern Western woman in a failing relationship; Aysun, a member of a Sultan’s harem and Itzel, a Mayan princess. Overseen by their mysterious guide Rex, a rainbow half-man half-bird, they experience all the strange and wonderful things the resort has to offer from vagina seats in the park to a sensory depriving tube.

But it can’t be sunshine and orgasms for everybody, and the Garden needs payment…”

My Liebster Award Questionaire (And Nominations)

Hello! The other day my blog was nominated for a Liebster award. I may not have known what it was but I was very pleased as it made me sound intellectual, thus I purchased a pipe, a smoking jacket and crisps.

In actual fact it’s awarded to blogs with less than 3,000 subscribers. I must answer eleven questions given to me by Angela D’Onofrio and nominate 5-11 other bloggers, giving them 11 questions to answer which are at the bottom of this post (and they must then do the same). Here goes!

1. What was one of your most random, unexpected inspirations? Probably the ones late at night when half asleep. It’s a cliche but ideas always come to me from dreams or sleepy thoughts.
2. Which book made you realize that you wanted to be an author?
   I always wanted to write, or so my mum says, but the first time I clearly remember thinking I wanted to write my own books was after reading The Witches by Roald Dahl. I was so scared reading about all the horrible things that happened to children that I really wanted to make people feel the same.
3. Is there a book that you absolutely love that’s the exact opposite of your “usual fare”? (Example: I hoard high fantasy, but have read Augusten Burroughs’ “Running With Scissors” three times.)
   I love Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte, all of the sisters fascinate me. Actually it’s quite a gothic story so maybe it’s not so out of character. I laughed like a fool when I read Jenny Lawson’s ‘Let’s Pretend This Never Happened,‘ you should read it.
4. Do you ever craft playlists for your writing projects?  (Please share some of the songs you’ve used, if you do!) I go a bit obsessive when it comes to music and writing. For specific projects I often hit on a song that keeps me going and play it on repeat. Sometimes it’s a playlist I find on youtube, but either way I keep the headphones on so I don’t drive anyone batty. Once it was this 20s jazz playlist on youtube. During the story A Piece Worth Millions it was anything by or including the vocals of Anneka Snip, such as this, and while writing Rainbows Suck I listened to Space Boots by Miley Cyrus. All in all a rather eclectic mix.
5. Which authors do you read when you need to fine-tune your own writing voice? If I need assistance with personal style I try to stick to straight-forward prose about off-the-wall things. I love poetic writing but it’s just not me, so I might choose Alice In Wonderland or Leonora Carrington.
6. What would your dream workspace look like?
   The Occult, 1920s room at Talliston House, Dunmow, Essex (but with a computer).

   

   The 1929 Occult Study at Talliston House

7. Obligatory Writing Beverage of Choice Question! (Bonus points if it isn’t actually stereotypically coffee!)
   Diet Coke! And tea.
8. CDs or MP3s (or, hey, vinyl or cassette)?
   MP3s. I love the idea that our possessions float in the ether.
9. What’s your favorite Disney movie? (The former aspiring animator in me NEEDS to know.)
   I’m not really a Disney fan, however at the time I loved Beauty and the Beast, probably because it’s a fairly depressing one. I also quite liked The Little Mermaid. I loved Watership Down more than Disney (apart from that terrible song) because I enjoyed the violence and how much it upset other children. I also went through a phase of watching the Japanese Godzilla and it’s sequels over and over. I was an odd child.
10. If you had to model your entire wardrobe after any fictional character, who would it be?
    I can’t make decisions so I’ll just say the gothic/rainbow/circus outfits worn by many of Neil Gaiman’s characters.
11. Is there a theme which persistently creeps into your work, whether you want it to or not?  (Please tell me it’s not just me.) I’ve noticed my tendency to stuff as many bright colours in as possible, plus I seem to be currently pre-occupied with social media. It fascinates me how a person can be famous whilst sitting at home, and how much we bare ourselves to others.

There we have it! My nominees to answer the questions below are:

Leza Cantoral

Eraserhead Press

The Year of Halloween

Anastasia Catris

Betty Rocksteady

And my questions for you are:

1. When did you first realise you were drawn to the strange and odd
2. What do you love most about the strange and unusual
3. What are your favourite books/art pieces/films/TV shows etc
4. What do you want to say/show by blogging
5. How easy do you find it to get an audience, and do you have any tips
6. What are your creative/blogging goals
7. Who inspires you, famous or not famous
8. What’s your strangest memory
9. Do you have a routine when you need to think up ideas
10. What are you most proud of so far
11. Have you ever had strong or unexpected responses

Rainbow Cake And Alice In Wonderland Tea Set For A Mad Hatter’s Party

Hello! Merry almost Valentine’s Day. I’m not one for hearts and cuddly toys so I was happily surprised with an Alice In Wonderland tea set and home made cakes – including a rainbow cake – from Bill Purnell. Coincidentally he also does a lot of my book covers, have a look at his site.

As a weird fiction and bizarro author I’ve always loved Alice In Wonderland, it was the first time I realised things could be surreal. So feast your eyes upon today’s amazingness, and happy Valentine to you all.

Live Reading Of Bizarro Book Rainbows Suck, Eraserhead Press, At Dirty Dicks In London

On Tuesday evening I read from my book Rainbows Suck at Dirty Dick’s, a pub in London. It was just like Midnight in Paris but with Periscope and space alien rainbows. The live video is below and, if you can’t hear a word of that, have a look afterwards at the video I made in the flat. I took along some postcards with a picture by my friend Steve and wrote little messages on the back for everyone.

While I was in Brick Lane The Vintage Basement told me they loved my clothes and took a photo of me for their social networks which was nice. I also took a picture for this post of the bracelet my friend made, because I think you’ll agree it’s really important.

Live Reading

Home Reading

The Vintage Basement, Brick Lane

Postcard front

Postcards back

The Changing Face of Lewis Carroll’s Alice in Wonderland

Today’s pretentious book picture is brought to you by The Mad Hatter’s Tea Room in Southend. May you also stare intellectually into space whilst sampling their seriously amazing cakes. Honestly, I mean it, go. 

Alice in Wonderland has meant different things to me at different times, much like it has throughout history. When I first read it as a child I hated it, it ‘didn’t make any sense.’ Slowly I was drawn back in and I remember my excitement when I realised my imagination was free – cue many stories in Primary school where the teachers probably thought I’d had some sort of breakdown but were afraid to ask.

The first filmed version in 1903:

Then, of course, I re-read it as a student, this time aware of Carroll’s possible opium use (not unusual for the time, it was sold freely in shops) and the links to psychedelia owing to homages such as this:

Incidentally model/Warholite Edie Sedgwick was keen to make an underground film version in the mid sixties but sadly it was not to be. 

Recently I entered Wonderland once again, this time with all kinds of knowledge (though not as much as I’ll have in the future). I’m aware now of the possibly disturbing relationship between Lewis Carroll and the real Alice (see the documentary below, also featuring writer Will Self among others).

However I’m also aware that it unlocked fantastical and unrestrained worlds in my own brain and doubtless did for many other creative types. The pace is quick, the dialogue fun and the characters iconic. I’d like to see a new film version of the original story done well, but for now I’m perfectly happy using my own imagination when reading the weird words of Carroll.

Documentary The Secret World of Lewis Carroll. Keep watching to see the eerie discovery towards the end:

Spooky Valentine Make Up Tutorials

Merry almost Valentine’s day! For the first time in five years I will not be spending the day in a dark corner, bitterly hissing at anyone who passes. For anyone else who has a date, or just wants to attract a member of the living dead, here are a couple of gruesome and spooky Valentine’s day tutorials I found on youtube:

And don’t forget your nails…

The very colourful and surreal art of Rachel Maclean

I finished writing my book today, what joy! Perhaps I will start a cult and murder my followers as celebration. Or convince them to insert bread rolls somewhere unpleasant.

Anyway…I would like to share this post of art by Scottish lady Rachel Maclean. I watched her short films and there is something revoltingly wonderful about the phantasmagoria. Enjoy!

Fantastical photography by Design Army

Two posts in one day?! Has my cold driven me to the brink of madness? Yes, yes it has.

Well, I couldn’t resist sharing these fantastical and bizarre Alice in Wonderland esque photos by Design Army (website here).

Have a look at this post and run naked through the streets, proclaiming the aliens have landed.

 

An oddball’s tea party

I’m obsessed with tea parties, probably because I don’t really drink anymore. But, of course, no boring parties for me. Here’s a few unusual things you could bring to proceedings:

First off I love psychedelia, not sure why I just always have. Why not get some mugs to match, or for an extra boost of weirdness how about one of these Day of the Dead sugar skull mugs? I’ve got mine!

Or if you prefer drinking vessels that are even spookier, how about these surprisingly sinister mugs?

And let’s not forget there will be those that don’t like tea (weirdos). Here’s a quick how to on serving blacklight lemonade.

Of course no mad hatter’s psychedelic party would be complete without rainbow cupcakes, get the recipe here.

If something a little more disturbing is your thing, and let’s face it why wouldn’t it be, try these. First up is a savoury centre piece treat, Zombie Head Cheese.

Next is a recipe for melting witch cookies. Rather timely with the release of this new Wizard of Oz movie.

And lastly my favourite recipes from Halloween Culture. First is the oreo spider web cookies, and to decorate all those cakes here’s a how to for edible glass sculptures.

Super happy fun times!

Me, a sugar skull mug and a skull onesie. You wish you were me

An Alice in Wonderland themed party

If you’re turning 30, like my friend Angie did recently, you ought to accept the fact that you’re an adult and have a party involving cheese, wine and chats about insurance. Or….hire a hall and hold a fancy dress competition in the style of Alice in Wonderland/Victorian, and top if off with a visit to a shisha cafe the next day:

Cakes!

Is he the caterpillar, or Dracula?

The white queen and…uh…a beer bottle?

Embracing my inner cross dressing Victorian lady

Us and the birthday girl

Me at the shisha cafe in Colchester

Emma…looking cool