4 Short Weird And Experimental Short Films To Make You Go All Disturbed

Merry Wednesday my little stuffed toys in a jar disguised to look like pickled conjoined goat twins. I’ve some news: my surreal, bizarro, weird fiction (and whatever else) comedy novella 4 Rooms In A Semi Detached House has been accepted by StrangeHouse Books (thanks, StrangeHouse Books!) and to celebrate here are 4 short experimental and possibly disturbing films.

The Cat With Hands was made by Robert Morgan, whose short animation Deloused featured in The ABCs of Death 2 (which I much preferred to the toilet fixated original). He makes cool and grotesque things, you should have a look. The Cat With Hands is his most famous work.

As well as being an amazing music man with his own record label, Flying Lotus has now set up Brainfeeder Films. With his own feature length production making people sick and a short by David Firth (of Salad Fingers) on the way, I’m looking forward to what else will be released.

The charmingly titled FuckkkYouuu is by Eddie Alcazar, with soundtrack by Flying Lotus.

I’m sure you all remember Alan Tutorials, the youtube channel featuring daft tutorials such as how to pick up a chair, which slowly grew more and more disturbing (but always funny). The mind behind it was Alan Resnick, digital and visual artist and filmmaker. He’s done several things for Adult Swim, including the absurdist This House Has People In It.

Written and directed by Peter Capaldi (aka Malcolm Tucker, aka Dr Who), Franz Kafka’s It’s A Wonderful Life was written in 1993 for BBC Scotland and won a Bafta and Academy Award. Starring Richard E Grant (Withnail, of course, like you didn’t know), it tells the humorous story of Franz Kafka’s attempt to write The Metamorphosis despite numerous interruptions.

Enjoy!

Weird Flash Fiction In Flash Fiction Magazine

Hello my little sandwich bags!

Just a quick pop in to say my weird, sort of but not at all science fiction story is up on Flash Fiction Magazine.

Have a read, thanks!

The Patsy (1928) directed by King Vidor shown: Marion Davies
The Patsy (1928)
directed by King Vidor
shown: Marion Davies

Trash Cinema, Weird Travel And Freaky People: Bizarre Book Club Non-Fiction Special

Merry morning my little chimpanzees in the planning stages of taking over the world. I’ve been reading lots of weird things and here they are:

Death Confetti: Pickers, Punks and Transit Ghosts in Portland, Oregan, by Jennifer Robin death-confetti-510x801

This is, no exaggeration, one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever read. I follow the author on facebook as well and, seriously, her status updates are miniature masterpieces.

Jennifer charts her non-linear journey from reclusive childhood to Portland artist with description as biting as William Burroughs and prose as rich as Anais Nin, but also completely unique. Sometimes she just remembers a character from her past, sometimes a full anecdote, sometimes she’s just looking at people on the bus, but all are beautiful. How can you not be fascinated by an intro like this:

“My directives, as established at seventeen—to experience real emotion, real contact with other people, all of the things you only learn by sucking cock, smoking rock, climbing cliffs, sleeping in catacombs, getting pregnant, and making a lot of mistakes—were fully enforced at this time. Within a year of my arrival I was playing in an electronic noise band. On and off-stage, we made—or perhaps “were”—performance art.”

The Disaster Artist by Greg Sestero ohm

I have genuinely never laughed so loudly and consistently at a book. If you’re unfamiliar with Tommy Wiseau’s complete mess of a film The Room, first of all where have you been, and second please watch it right now. Our fascination with it is hard to explain to people who don’t love terrible films. Example conversation with a friend:

Friend: Are you coming to Ian’s later?

Me: Yep. I’m bringing The Room

Friend: What? Not again. I’ve got Lolita at home, I’ll bring that

Me: Noooo, I can watch a good film anytime. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND MEEE!!!

And so on. Greg is the guy who played Mark (Oh, hi Mark) and he recounts the complete debacle from beginning to end including the first time he met Tommy and the events that led to his making the film. What elevates this above merely poking fun at an eccentric is the genuine level of affection – though sometimes tested – and desire to understand Tommy. He’s not a monster, he has real feelings and a desperate need to be an actor, and perhaps another reason we enjoy The Room is his sheer determination to make that happen. As Greg says, “The Room is a drama that is also a comedy that is also an existential cry for help that is finally a testament to human endurance.”

There is a film coming out, called The Masterpiece, based on this book. I, for one, will be watching it.

Everything Wrong With The Room In 8 Minutes Or Less:

Dandy in the Underworld by Sebastian Horsley dandy

“Please allow me to introduce myself. I am a peacock without a cause, I am a piece of transcendent trash – a futile blast of colour in a futile colourless world.”

If Sebastian had been born in the 1800s he would be one of those sons paid by their wealthy family to stay away. He crashes through life like a mixture of Byron and Withnail, rarely likeable but always interesting, an artist who’s biggest art piece was himself.

On a whim he goes diving with sharks, has a fling with gangster Jimmy Boyle, bets on the stock exchange and becomes horribly addicted to heroin and crack. When he has money he doesn’t respect it, when he doesn’t he’s desperate. He makes no excuses for shoplifting and generally being a louche, entitled rich boy and if he did I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed reading him as much. He died aged 47 of a suspected overdose.

(Be warned, I suspect he says things because he likes to be ‘shocking’):

A Curious Guide To London by Simon Leyland curious

Yes, yes, there’s the Houses of Parliament and Trafalgar Square blah blah. Where are the corpses? A common cry, and one this book would like to answer.

Beneath the respectable layer of London’s past is a hidden world of information, such as the peculiar shrub in Chelsea Physic Garden that gave John Wyndham the idea for Day of the Triffids, St. Sepulchre’s watch house in Holborn (built to keep an eye out for grave diggers), the Haymarket cat opera (exactly how it sounds) or the leftover ‘snob screens’ in The Lamb pub which protected delicate wealthy eyes from the sight of the common man.

It’s separated into districts so you can have a flick through next time you go to London and see what’s about. If you’d like to see a bit more of weird London via a guide have a look at this spooky tour we embarked upon for Halloween.

Midnight Movie Madness by Ian Watson midnight-movie

A cavalcade of truly terrible films, this collection takes you from Maniac ‘director’ Dwain Esper‘s exploitation efforts, through fifties B movies to nonsensical modern day fare. Some of the descriptions made me chuckle out loud, particularly in the WTF section.

If monster movies are your thing, or perhaps overseas oddities, each film has been separated into categories ( I like categories, don’t I? I never realised that before), making it easier to dip in according to mood. Enjoy!

Absurdist Bizarro Short Story Video With Pictures

Good morrow ladies and gentlemen. I’m at a writer’s retreat (aka my mate Steve’s):

img_20170109_123702591 img_20170109_124926485Note the blobfish slippers. Anyway, I’ll have to keep this brief so here’s a short absurdist bizarro story of mine illustrated by my love puffin Bill Purnell. Enjoy!

Surrealists, Flappers and Gothic Horror: My Favourite Story Readings

Merry holidays one and all! I’m going to take two weeks off after today but, never fear, I shall leave you with the wonderful words of some of my favourite writers.

Lately I’ve been doing a series of story readings called The Onesie Tales in which I read whilst wearing full length pajamas and no make up. There’s no massive reasoning behind this other than my pajamas are very comfortable and I’m quite lazy. I’ll be continuing this in the New Year so if you’d like to join me subscribe to my youtube channel to be notified of the next one.

In the meantime here are readings of surrealists Leonora Carrington, Haruki Murakami, Algonquin Round Table wit Dorothy Parker and Gothic weird lady Daphne du Maurier. Enjoy!

P.S. The ending of the first video is very embarrassing. I didn’t realise I was still recording and I talk in a silly voice to my boyfriend Bill and look for my glasses like a drunk aunt at Christmas.

New Absurdist Short Story In Anthology ‘Tall Tales With Short Cocks 5’

Hello my little lonely partnerless socks found on the floor which I pair with another tall-tales-short-cockspartnerless one! I have a new short story in the absurdist/bizarro anthology Tall Tales With Short Cocks 5 (Rooster Republic Press) and hopefully you will find it very funny. Here’s what the publisher has to say about it:

“In the fifth installment of Rooster Republic’s flagship anthology series, we have some really tremendous fiction. It’s great. You can’t beat fiction like this. A lot of kids come up to me and they tell me how great they think this fiction is. I believe them. Believe me, it’s a great collection with some fantastic authors giving us their best work. I believe me.

Why don’t you? You too good for all this fun, freaky, and far-out fiction? Maybe go read a book about bird watching, you voyeuristic pervert. This anthology is for connoisseurs who are sick of watching birds. They want to look at words—not at our fine feathered friends. Though, if I’m being honest, I’ve never met a bird I would call my friend. Sure, those doves helped me move. BUT I GAVE THEM BIRDSEED. Real friends don’t demand food from you. They just help you move, wish you luck, and then leave forever until you need them again. The stories in this anthology will be great friends. You can read them, put them back on the shelf, and pull them out whenever you feel like it. Or if you don’t feel like it, they aren’t going to call you up and be all like, “Hey, wanna get something to eat at that new taco cart I saw on the corner of Johnson and Johnson?” That would be the end of American fiction, I can tell you. Not that all the authors in this collection are Americans. Some are UKish, and some, I assume, are also good people. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Chickens Are Birds. Rooster Republic 2016!!!!!”

So there we are, clearly you need this in your life, and here it is!

 

Bizarro Erotica: Taken Hard At The Magical Time Travel Sex Resort

My tiny (10,000 word) surreal, bizarro, weird and any other adjective erotica novelette was released today with New Kink. Sometimes I get the urge to write rude things and, being me, they end up just as odd as the usual stuff.

P.S. My artistic partner in crime and cuddles Bill Purnell did the front cover, he’s a very clever pickle.

Here’s the Amazon link.

New Kink proudly presents…

takenhardnewkinkmadeleineswann

Before you get too excited, let’s give this video a shot. The beloved Sauda Namir reads an excerpt for us in a series called Bizarro Bedtime.

Bizarro Bedtime: S3 E4: Madeleine Swann from Sauda Namir on Vimeo.

With a gorgeous cover from artist Bill Purnell, and a lot of kink packed in a small package, let’s see what she’s about.

“Lillia Gardens is the largest erotic resort in several dimensions. It’s home to colourful flora, weird creatures and time travelling visitors, all ready and willing to get filthy – like Wonderland or Oz but smuttier.

Each story follows a woman from a different era who recieves a mysterious card inviting them to the Gardens, including Sam, a modern Western woman in a failing relationship; Aysun, a member of a Sultan’s harem and Itzel, a Mayan princess. Overseen by their mysterious guide Rex, a rainbow half-man half-bird, they experience all the strange and wonderful things the resort has to offer from vagina seats in the park to a sensory depriving tube.

But it can’t be sunshine and orgasms for everybody, and the Garden needs payment…”