Crappypasta Submissions Reading (Bad Horror Fiction)

They’re here!

Merry Halloween my little apple carts, may all your disturbing dreams come true and your stomachs explode with sugary delights. I asked people to send me their own crappypastas, which are terribly written internet horror stories. Enjoy!

The writers are:

Ian Willingham

Gary Buller

Neil Dinsmore

Myk Pilgrim

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DIY Spiderweb Cake GONE WRONG! (Sort of)

Welcome to my Halloween video bonanza for October. First up is a perfect example of what happens when I do a DIY – it progressively becomes a failure.

Bill and I had a go at a spooky cobweb cake which is meant to look something like this:

 

But I think we can all agree our final result is… a bit different. However, it tasted amazing and was probably the nicest cake I’ve ever made, and I have made a few despite appearances.

See you next week!

Amazingly Creepy Horror Illusion Make Up

Just over a month to Halloween!

If you’re creatively inclined with your hands (I’m really not, everything handy I try to do comes out looking a little depressed) maybe you can have a go at this insane horror illusion make up for Halloween. Some people make it look so easy, and SammyLovesFossas is one of those people.

Here’s a Matrioshka (Russian dolls) effect:

Eye Popping Make Up:

The Last of Us:

Human Gruel facepaint:

Ghost facepaint:

Honestly there’s so much more, please visit her channel for more amazingness. See you soon!

Blood, Body Parts And Evil Angels: 6 Creepy, Weird Or Scary Plants

Hello!

It’s almost summer and the flowers are sprouting, which is the best time to remind ourselves that nature is the weirdest thing you’ll ever experience. As you can tell from previous posts, I love weird nature and creepy creatures, they’re brilliant prompts for stories, but today I shall focus solely on those life forms that were here long before us and will remain when we’re gone – plants.

The Bleeding Tooth Fungus: We’ll start with something really grotesque because you can handle it, you’re grown ups with eyes of steel. The Bleeding Tooth Fungus apparently isn’t poisonous but has a very bitter taste rendering it inedible. Doesn’t it make you hungry though? It reminds me of jam. bleeding-tooth-fungus

It lurks mostly in North American forests but has been spotted elsewhere. The ooze (or sap, if you want to be all sciencey about it) is sometimes yellow (mmm, pus) pink, beige or orange.

Bleeding Tooth Fungus: In French With English text

Angel Trumpet: brugmansia

The very epitome of a wolf in sheep’s clothing, these South American plants appear heavenly but are said to have a darker secret than an Edgar Allen Poe character.

They contain atropine, hyoscyamine and scopolamine, the last of which can apparently be used to alter another person’s state of mind, or create ‘zombies.’ I don’t personally know how true these claims are, much of it sounds a little over-hyped, but cases exist where the plant has been blamed for causing a hypnotic state, such as in the victims of a trio of thieves arrested in Paris who ‘willingly’ handed over possessions. However it’s unclear whether scopolamine can actually remove free will.

World’s Scariest Drug

Rafflesia Flower: We all know of the Titan Arum corpse flower and it’s scent of rotting corpses, but perhaps slightly less known in some parts is the Rafflesia from Southeastern Asia, also known as the corpse flower. Confused? Good.

It’s a parasite which latches onto the roots of a host plant. It’s innards stink of decomposing flesh to attract the flies it feeds on. Naturally, with all this going for it, it’s the official state flower of Indonesia (?).

worlds largest corpse flower Rafflesia Arnoldii

Devil’s Fingers: Mistaken online for an alien life form the Devil’s Fingers fungus, or Octopus Stinkhorn, is truly rather strange.

Growing mostly in Britain it bursts from an other-wordly sack to release it’s foul stench (for attracting flies) into the world.

Devil’s Fingers Time Lapse

Clitoria: clitoriaThe scientist who named this beauty certainly wasn’t shy. He/she saw a flower that looked like it had a clitoris and called it as it was.

Another native of Southeast Asia, this flower is used as food dye or eaten deep fried. Others have historically attempted to give it less ‘controversial’ names but they never stuck because, let’s face facts, it looks like a fanny.

Dracula Orchids: orchid-dracula With a name evoking the undead you would expect these flowers from Central America to look creepy but they’re actually quite cute, if you like monkey faces. Slightly judgmental monkey faces.

Being Orchids these are cultivated by fanciers for their beauty and rarity. They were named Dracula because of the red colour displayed by some.

There we have it my little summer popsicles. Go, now, and frolic amongst the monkey faced fields and corpse laden air. I’ll be watching.

Rainbow Cake And Alice In Wonderland Tea Set For A Mad Hatter’s Party

Hello! Merry almost Valentine’s Day. I’m not one for hearts and cuddly toys so I was happily surprised with an Alice In Wonderland tea set and home made cakes – including a rainbow cake – from Bill Purnell. Coincidentally he also does a lot of my book covers, have a look at his site.

As a weird fiction and bizarro author I’ve always loved Alice In Wonderland, it was the first time I realised things could be surreal. So feast your eyes upon today’s amazingness, and happy Valentine to you all.

valentine-tea-1valentine-tea-4valentine-tea-2valentine-tea-3valentine-tea-5

DIY Costumes, Nails and Crafts: The Dark and Weird Side of Easter

Merry Egg Day!!! Come join in the frivolity of scary bunnies and multi-eyed eggs, and may you never leave…

We begin proceedings with my favourite nail lady ProfessionalDQ doing psycho rabbits and scary chicks. Visit her channel for brilliants upon brilliantses and never feel sad again: That’s a 100 per cent guarantee from Dr Quack:

Still not dark enough for your nail bunny needs? Try some grotesquely evil circus rabbits:

Rather sweet tutorial on painting multi-eyed, cobwebbed horror eggs:

What’s better than the Easter Bunny? A zombie Easter Bunny. The sound is quite bad but bear with her:

Alternatively if you still wish to pursue your rabbit dreams but the zombie is too much, here’s a DIY on becoming Alice in Wonderland’s acquaintance:

More rabbits! Make your own gothic cuddly rabbit. The actual tutorial seems to start about three minutes in, so you might want to skip ahead…

There we have it! Merry Easter and watch out for those murderous egg wielding beasties

Weird, Horror Or Rave Valentine’s Nail Art With Professional DQ

This nail lady is brilliant! Visit her youtube channel here and see what other stuff you can find. In the meantime here are a few Valentine’s Day tutorials from Professional DQ:

Voodoo and hearts? Of course!

Pirates and hearts? Why not!

Skulls and hearts? Hooray!

Black and white striped gothic hearts? Woo hoo!

More gothic hearts? Goodness!

Sparkly pink heart pendant (but still cool, don’t panic)