Memoirs of a Professional Weirdo: Yellow Army Woman

I have a new monthly column type thing in Clash magazine. Enjoy!

CLASH

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I’m a lucky girl. I’m white and, no matter what was going on with dad (story for another time – maybe), my mum did all she could to make me happy. She was also very determined for me to be an individual and refused to get me a primary school uniform – that’s Elementary school to most of you. “You’ve got years to conform, why do it when you’re a bloody child?” were her exact words, bless her cottons. Of course, I endured the head mistress’ snide remarks about “one or two people letting us down,” but that was really it, and now I can trot merrily in full on rainbow fluff past a group of cackling wenches and feel no shame. Thanks mum!

Not everyone feels the same, though, and some people believe horrible things. It’s obvious when you say it now but, like I say, I was lucky…

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