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Oh, well, look at you with your happiness and that. Some of us are trying to be lonely and bitter, don’t you know, so do it quietly.

For anyone unwilling to send cutesy teddy bears and flowers for ethical reasons, here are a few other ideas.

HorrorGreetings.com have a selection of different beasties to choose from on their website, just ignore the epilepsy inducing advert on the homepage if you can.

Feast your eyes on these ‘weird vintage valentine cards,’ which are quite disturbing trust me. Perhaps you can email one to your special somebody (or to someone you’re trying to get rid of).

Of course what you really need are anatomical Love Heart sweets. This tutorial love heartsfrom fascinating site evilcakehead shows you how to make the delightful delicacies right here, and don;t forget to check out their other treats (one such example also fit for Valentine’s Day are these anatomically correct, er, lady part cupcakes). Enjoy.

Drawn as I am to psychedelia (I’m not a hippie) I actually quite like this colourful heart card you can make (put a better inscription hearton the front like, can I lick your eyeball or something). The tutorial is here.

These horror photoshop tutorials were intended for Halloween, but imagine how thrilled your beloved will be when they see you’ve zombified them for a card!

Finally here’s a tutorial on scary Valentine nails for your date with that special someone: